T/W references of suicide / mental illness, don’t read if you are easily upset.
I wanted to be ready before I spoke about this. I was in a lot of emotional pain and I wasn’t sure if I could do it. But I think now after a few days, I have gathered enough strength to write this out.
So as you might already know, Kim Jonghyun (better known by his stage name Jonghyun) from the group SHINee, has tragically passed away earlier this week. After sending alarming text messages to his older sister, Jonghyun took his own life on the evening of December 18, 2017. It has been said that the cause seemed to be from toxic fumes from a coal briquette that was burning in a frying pan. Jonghyun was unconscious when authorities arrived at the hotel / residence he was staying in and then upon arrival at Asan Medical Centre, pronounced him dead.
SHINee was my era of KPOP and although I wasn’t a Shawol, I was still deeply affected by his passing. Jonghyun was suffering from depression. He struggled with himself, thought he was lacking in his music. He seeked medical help from a psychiatrist but that “doctor” blamed his condition on his personality.
I miss him and love him so much. I can only imagine how Onew, Key, Minho and Taemin were feeling, and Shawols. Other groups may have experienced members leaving the group / losing members, but SHINee lost a member in the most painful way. What worries me is that they might blame themselves for not paying close enough attention, but we all know that it’s not their fault. Depression is no one’s fault. It’s a mental condition.
I will miss Jonghyun so much but I hope he is smiling and is happy up in Heaven, singing with the angels. I know he loves his Shawols a lot so he’s always going to protect them. Apparently the moon also was pearl aqua the day of Jonghyun’s funeral (a more scientific explanation of course would be something in the solar system), it’s like Jonghyun was crossing over to the other side and letting his fans know that he is okay. His funeral procession was hard / painful to watch. Seeing how distraught his sister was, carrying Jonghyun’s portrait literally killed me inside. Then SHINee appeared with Eunhyuk, Leeteuk and Donghae from Suju, carrying the actual casket to put into the hearse and I was destroyed. There was also a close up of Taeyeon from SNSD, and she just broke down.
To cope with his passing I watched videos of him being silly and also videos of him talking about his close relationship with his sister. I also found twitter accounts that helped cheer me up.
Jonghyun-ah, you did well. I will always love you and remember you. Please do not hurt anymore. Yours fans and family and friends will never forget you. You will always be a part of 5hinee, and no one or nothing can take that away from you. Spread your wings and fly high, baby. You’re with the angels now.
April 8, 1990 – December 18, 2017
Rest in Peace